This goes out to a particular person. That person is trying to decide whether or not to continue living. I would like to weigh in on the side of life. I will qualify my remarks by saying that during my many years as a mental health service provider I helped numerous people through their post suicide attempt time. Additionally, I was severely depressed for many years and often thought that the only way to end the pain was to die. I now see the folly in that line of thinking.
For one thing, I now know that depression influences the decision making process. Depression makes every sunny day look cloudy. It influences your perception of things. Additionally, depression makes you think it will never end. That is but one of many lies depression tells you.
I live in Minnesota and the running joke here is: “If you don’t like the weather just wait a few days.” Winter can be 5 or 6 months long here. It can be cold with lots of snow and short days. If we didn’t live with the certain knowledge that spring will come, I don’t know how anyone could live here. But it is a beautiful place.
Depression, like winter, has an end. We know that if you try to keep your attention in the present moment and get on with life, moods change. The universe is trying to tell you something. Try to figure out what that is. If you have friends who care about you and you can talk to, try to talk through it. I have gone through years of severe depression and have been pretty happy for years now. You can too.
We also know that the number one reason suicidal people decide to not do it is the certain knowledge of the pain it will cause loved ones. From your post it is clear you have at least a couple of people who care about you. Think of them.
If you wish to hear more contact me at Garygreen@AuthorGaryGreen.com.